I can still remember all the animosity and hostility toward the end of my relationship, angry looks and long periods of barely speaking to each other. I remember the guilt of being so angry all the time, and how it made me feel like a terrible person. I remember how I would just lose myself in music and let it express all the things I could never say. I think the mountain goats sang it best with their song no children. I could throw all that anger into a song and just sing it and let it go or get sad and just allow myself to feel what I was feeling so I could get over it. Or even just having the reminder of how unhealthy the relationship was for me anytime I ever doubt myself. They also have an excellent song called international small arms factory, sometimes its just nice to be reminded that someone else can relate to you, that horrible relationships are not exclusive to you and that what ever went wrong is no ones fault sometimes things just stop working.
The Cure also has a song that I love to listen to when I let go of the anger and I'm feeling sort of nostalgic. There's a line in the song that goes I can't remember how to be all you wanted. Sometimes relationships just get to the point to where you cant grow together as people anymore. Makes me feel like less of a bad guy for wanting to end the relationship. Something about that song just makes me feel like despite it all I'm going to be okay and he is going to be okay.
Divorce comes with a lot of overwhelming feelings. I have found good friends, writing, and music a good outlet for my frustration and pain. I think that its important to find a healthy way to let yourself feel what ever emotions you have about your divorce, something just for you.
If you like music like I do, these songs might be something to check out. Maybe there is something in there you can relate to.
No comments:
Post a Comment