Wednesday, July 4, 2012

How my Divorce has effected my relationship with my parents


      I grew up in a very religious house hold.  My mother was catholic and married a baptist preacher.  Though my father has mellowed out over the years.  I still can feel some of the pressures of being the daughter of someone often in the public eye.  I remember discussing some of my relationship issues with my dad before my divorce and he kept trying to reinforce in me the idea that marriage is for life, like I wasn't taking being married seriously.  I was so miserable in my marriage towards the end and dealing with the guilt of wanting to leave, the guilt of ruining someones life,  and the pressure of trying to make everyone but me happy.  I felt so alone in the world and the longer I stayed in that situation the worse it got.

       Eventually after months of separation, and many discussions later my dad finally came around he told me I shouldn't feel  embarrassed leaving my husband for the reasons I did, but that just made me feel like he thought that I should of before.  He had discussions with his preacher friend who had been divorced to get more clarity on when its acceptable to get a divorce.

         Before I got divorced I went to visit my parents and went to church with them and found my name and my exes name on the prayer list.  I was mortified and people kept coming up to me to let me know they where praying for me.  My divorce was so private to me a lot of my friends that lived out of town didn't even know I had moved out.  I was feeling naked and vulnerable in a church surrounded by strangers feeling sorry for me and judging me.  I know in his own way my father was just trying to be there for me but its been really hard for him to figure out what I need from him.

         Our relationship is strained even though we still love each other.  Its made it harder to understand each other.  People are going to judge you for getting divorced, sometimes you will even be judged by family, unfortunately people like to gossip and they will probably talk about it at some point.  Most likely they have no idea what they are talking about or what your going through.  Sometimes Divorce is the only option, and its unfortunate for other people if they can not understand that and support you.  Its important to realize that if your getting a divorce then you where on a sinking ship, you can't live on a sinking ship.  You will have to learn to swim, some people will throw you a life preserver, others will go down with the ship, but regardless you will be okay.

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