No regrets

      Let me start off by introducing myself.  My name is Jessica, I married my high school sweat heart at eighteen, after a seven years together and a three year marriage our disaster of a relationship ended.  I was left feeling empty, confused, angry, alone, raw, vulnerable, low, and like a failure.  Its been about a year and a half since I left my shattered home, and several months since the actual divorce.  I wanted to start a blog to maybe help others who might feel at some times as alone as I do, to vent about the hardships, and help myself and others pick up the pieces and try to rebuild something better.

            Lately I have been struggling with self esteem issues;  feeling like a failure, struggling with self identity, being ashamed, and trying not to become a cliched cynic. I have read these are all natural feelings of the divorce process still  I wanted to take some time and really reflect on positive reasons why someone who is going through a divorce or has gone through a divorce should not feel this way and feel proud of who they are.

              Reason I admire you number one: It takes a strong person to take charge of their life and try to better it.  Regardless of whether you where left or did the leaving.  

             

               Reason number two:  be smart enough to recognize there's a problem that cant be fixed and be your own savior.  

               

              Reason number three:  to be left with no option but to pick up your own pieces it takes such a strong person to not just roll over and let the grief consume your life. 

              Reason number four:  You are even more aware of yourself then you think.  You or more aware of what you need and don't need to be happy.

               Reason number five:  You are a more careful person with your heart.

               Reason number six:  Growing up it seemed that there was far more kids in my class with divorced parents then there where with parents still together.  Even though you are probably losing ties, friends, and family members, its possible that you can relate to other people and develop deeper friendships and make new friends and ties because of what your going through now.

                Some things I had to achieve in going through my divorce, things you can feel proud of doing too if you went though them or have to look forward to doing: paying for a divorce, representing myself, deciding what I want to do with my life, finding out who I am on my own,  renting my first apartment, furnishing my first apartment, decorating my own apartment.

              Things are changing this is true and though its normal to grieve when having some sort of loss, the things you are going through right now must be weighing on you so much, I mean I consider myself fairly adjusted and sometimes its still such a struggle, and that's enough of a reason to not beat yourself up.