After a bad break up its hard to just have regular arguments in relationships without having traumatic thoughts like, does this relationship have an expiration date? Am I going to have to move in with my parents? I'm going to have to start all over in a new town again. My parents are trying to move soon so I will have to start over twice. Will I be able to find a job? Why is it so hard for someone to love me? Is this a toxic relationship too I'm so messed up from my marriage I'm not sure if I can even tell anymore? It seems so easy when your a kid to be a family and just love each other, why does everything have to be so crappy and broken and take so much work? I'm going to lose my apartment. I probably won't have room for all my things after leaving all my stuff behind from my divorce I am finally furnished and I will probably have to sell a lot of my furniture I saved so long to buy. Am I emotionally ready to handle another break up?
As you may of guessed, my boyfriend and I got into an argument over something stupid again. What should of been just some alone cooling off period, I spent second guessing my life, my relationship, and crying over something that was blown way out of proportion anyways.
The dirt finally settled, we finally cooled off, spent some quality time together, and moved passed it. When did growing up turn from something so wonderful into something so nightmarish with so many worries? I hate being so neurotic. Growing up I never pictured myself to be this hot mess of a person with so many anxiety's. Life really isn't the way I expected it to be when I was younger.
I guess if its not going to get easier I guess I should come up with some ways to combat the anxiety and learn to be content with my life and roll with the punches because that's all we can do.
In the mean time I have found semi precious weapons does a good job at taking the edge off. This song will make you feel like you have it all figured out even when you don't.
Arguing is tough no matter how long you've been in the relationship. Remember not to hold grudges, that you have a voice, and that you still love them.
ReplyDeleteFirst thanks so much for coming by my place. I love new visitors. Second, I think relationships are hard period. Throw in fears brought from other relationships and it gets compounded. I know my husband and I have been married 17 years in October and it has been anything but an easy road. Both of us coming out of bad marriages where the spouses cheated on us, rough childhoods a ton of our own demons fighting with the other persons. MY fears would rise up because I was prepared for the other shoe to drop. It wasn't easy but I began to recognize when I wasn't mad at him, I was scared and fearful . His actions didn't make me mad, my fears attached to them did, so my response to them belonged solely to me and no one else. Once I figured out how to tell him, I feel vulnerable because you said/did this and I feared you meant/ were going to do this/that. It was scary but worth it.
ReplyDeleteman. growing up *is* hard. you just have to focus on making it easier. pick your fights and wear a sundress over your hot mess. you're gonna make it!
ReplyDeleteAngel that is a good way to go about relationship problems, most anger stems from fear, it probably would of went better if I had explained to my boyfriend that I get afraid sometimes that his wanting to protect me all the time will turn into being controlling in an unhealthy way and it scares me because my last relationship was borderline abusive and what we can do to overcome that so we can both be comfortable instead of getting scarred and defensive and yelling at each other.
ReplyDeleteMy S O is too cute to stay mad at anyways getfitchick so holding grudges isn't too hard.
W it is very hard to be upset in a pretty sun dress. Good advice, in the mean time I guess I will continue to fake it till I make it and hopefully it will get easier with age. Maybe one day I'll have more answers. I know its impossible to have all the answers but I'm confident that most things will get easier in time.
Thanks everyone.
Sorry you're going through a rough patch, girl! Just hang in there. You'll learn from all of this...either what you want or what you don't want. Either way, you'll figure it out.
ReplyDeleteOh, I feel your pain on this. My boyfriend keeps telling me he'll tear down my wall, but I kind of like my wall... it keeps me safe! We haven't had many arguments, but every time we do I find myself thinking, "I can't handle this!" Yet we always work through it, but until I calm down, it's not fun inside my head!
ReplyDeleteThe only thing harder than being in a relationship, is going through a dry spell of 3 years without so much as even 1 date.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the introduction of Semi Precious Weapons!
thanks everyone
ReplyDeleteit feels good to know I'm not the only one with those neurotic thoughts making it hard to be in your own head.
tinsletine your so rare in that you actually listen to the music :p I love that. That is a dry spell, but there's a lot of freedom and less mess when your a single gal to make it not so ruff, but hang in there I'm sure you will find someone to make you go neurotic for :p