Smooth Criminal

            Yesterday I found a mouse in my kitchen.  No clue how long the little rascal has been running around my house Tom and Jerrying it up with my fat lazy cat named Puppy.  My boyfriend is suppose to pick something up to get it out of the house tonight on his way home from work.  While I am fine with the kind of mouse you find on the Disney channel when it comes to a real life mouse in my kitchen it feels more like little Mickey has turned into A scary tiny monster that reminds me more of this then anything else.  Not that I hate mouses but the thought of the little rodent making itself at home and eating and ruining my groceries while spreading its germs and waste everywhere disturbs me more then I can stand.  

             On another note.  I have finally stopped paying the bills at my Aunts house where I was living after I left my husband.  See what had happened when I decided to leave I didn't really have a plan.  I knew I was going to ask my aunt if I could stay at her house (my grandparents house) while I figured it out, she is widowed and her kids are grown she gets kind of lonely and we where pretty close.  She also lived a convenient block away from my work. 

             So what had happened when I asked her if I could live there she said it was very convenient for her because her son had gotten another DWI and lost his licence (His wake up call now he is in AA.)  and she was going to have to live in fort worth for a year so she could drive him to work and was going to need someone to take care of the house and collect her mail.

             So I moved into my aunts house and exactly a year later I was able to afford and furnish my own apartment along with paying for the divorce.  I also sold my car to my ex friend for 800 dollars.  So a year later I moved out and my Aunt is still saying can you take care of the bills just one more month so far for four months she tried for five but I had to put my foot down.

            My friend just recently paid me the full 800 and people I have to tell you never sell a car to your friends.  She kept putting off paying me got an eviction notice twice she lives in the same apartments as me and would go on and on about how she doesn't have any money but then rent to own an entire bedroom set and new couches right in front of me, and buy new clothes all the time. She offered (I didn't ask) to pay me an extra two hundred dollars for being so patient on the car.           

            So to start off I would give her rides all the time and shed ask to borrow the car to go out of town to do work stuff so she could get a promotion, I said okay because I knew with more money shed be able to pay me faster.  Eventually I just let her use the car and give me rides when I needed them while she paid off the car because I was losing a lot of sleep because she needed to go a lot more places then I did and my boyfriend would occasionally let me borrow his car.  So she takes over my car (I'm still paying for the insurance) and she puts all this work into the car (that she hasn't finished paying for) and stops picking me up from work and leaving me stranded and stops answering her phone calls after she paid me 700 (I'm still paying the insurance and its been like a year at this point).  

             When she starts leaving me stranded and I think about how long I have been paying insurance on a car I get no use of and how at this point I have actually lost money on selling my car I start to get mad.  I confront her I ask her when she plans on paying me.  She asks how much she owes like do I expect her to pay 100 more or 300 more so I told her 300 more.  A month passes and she pays me 100 dollars and I cancel the insurance she tells me she will pay me the rest in two weeks.  A month later she still owes me 200 dollars. 

            I told her she would have to pay to switch the car in her name.  That is would be 125 dollars.  She was like can I just pay you the 100 then and use the other 100 for switching the tittle. I get mad but nicely tell her no at the risk of our friendship.  I had to work with her five minutes after I told her in text that this wasn't acceptable.  When I get there I see her like angry crying on her phone trying to text me back.  (She is one of my bosses) she comes up to me and says in a shouting condescending way Don't worry about it I'll get it. She tried to bring up how much money shes put into the car just to keep it running and how she hasn't paid off yet.  She actually told me all the money shes put into the car, and that with how much money she has paid me is equal to what she was going to pay me 1000 and also equal to the amount of insurance money I put into that car while she drove it into the dirt over the year. I'm so tired of people taking advantage of me and acting like I'm being unreasonable when I'm having to put my life on hold because I don't have any extra money.

              I finally stopped letting my friends and family run over me.  It took a long time like it did leaving my husband.  But I feel free-er, I have been able to save a little money now that I am not paying my aunts bills anymore.  I think I will finally be able to start my certification course this coming month.  My ex-friend still owes me money but I didn't let her try to cheat me out of one hundred dollars.  End of rant.

              Now I leave you with some folk music.  Describing my duplex that I am pretty fond of and apparently mice are too.

Sometimes life is balls

         After a bad break up its hard to just have regular arguments in relationships without having traumatic thoughts like, does this relationship have an expiration date?  Am I going to have to move in with my parents?   I'm going to have to start all over in a new town again.  My parents are trying to move soon so I will have to start over twice.  Will I be able to find a job?  Why is it so hard for someone to love me?  Is this a toxic relationship too I'm so messed up from my marriage I'm not sure if I can even tell anymore?  It seems so easy when your a kid to be a family and just love each other, why does everything have to be so crappy and broken and take so much work?  I'm going to lose my apartment.  I probably won't have room for all my things after leaving all my stuff behind from my divorce I am finally furnished and I will probably  have to sell a lot of my furniture I saved so long to buy.  Am I emotionally ready to handle another break up?

         As you may of guessed, my boyfriend and I got into an argument over something stupid again.  What should of been just some alone cooling off period, I spent second guessing my life, my relationship, and crying over something that was blown way out of proportion anyways.

        The dirt finally settled, we finally cooled off, spent some quality time together, and moved passed it.  When did growing up turn from something so wonderful into something so nightmarish with so many worries?  I hate being so neurotic.  Growing up I never pictured myself to be this hot mess of a person with so many anxiety's.  Life really isn't the way I expected it to be when I was younger.

          I guess if its not going to get easier I guess I should come up with some ways to combat the anxiety and learn to be content with my life and roll with the punches because that's all we can do.
In the mean time I have found semi precious weapons does a good job at taking the edge off.  This song will make you feel like you have it all figured out even when you don't.

I'm on my Cheetos Break

     I'm sort of cranky today, no real reason, just a moody mess.  So I dyed my hair and put on some cars to cheer me up and had me a little Cheetos break.  Sometimes I so wish I could be mean to my customers like in the Cheetos commercial, flick rubber bands at them and tell them to go to another place to eat. 

      Sometimes I wear plastic sacks from the store on my head when I dye my hair.  Me and my friend have been talking about it and think this is something people should just do all the time looks super cute and cuts down time on doing your hair.  We are innovators, or possibly crazy from hair dye fumes.  Look I'm not the only one.

 

So Hot Right now!


And here's me.


She'd be into it


Plus bag hats or just fun to say, or like the other gentleman with the bag hat calls them bagdanas.

      Any who here's some cars and their assessment of hippies.  Hopefully they amuse you as much as they do me.

Metamorphosis

      I use to be this girl.  This girl that didn't put her socks on right.  No job, no future, I loved him, he almost maid me homeless.  I thought I knew everything, but I couldn't keep myself together and I was very unhappy.  I let him make my world and it almost destroyed me.  Like the girl in the song, this girl who doesn't know where her future is headed, weather her husband is going to drink himself to death, and if she is going to have a place to sleep at night, this girl is dead.





       When she died I became this girl.  I missed what we where.  I just wanted to drink.  It was lonely, but summer ended.  I was so tired of being sad because of you.  Even though I sometimes still get sad, my days don't belong to you anymore.  I had to let go.





        I'm a lot happier now.  My future is unwritten but I know how the story ends.  I still retain some of the qualities of the girl that once loved you.  I'm still cool, my socks still fall, but I am a better person.  Now I am a girl welcoming change to come a long and join me with my feet in the sand, content.  With a perfect body with eyelashes that catch my sweat.





         Regina sings for me.  I love her music.

New Romance

         So I am celebrating my one year anniversary on Friday our actual anniversary was three days ago.  Gonna get dressed up and have a nice dinner at a steak place.   Money has been real tight but we are finally able to go on a proper date, I must say, though I do love to sit and enjoy my home, its nice to once in a while crawl out of my pajamas and into some nice clothes and be a part of society.  Not for too long though because those pajamas will be calling my name along with some red velvet ice cream and my recorded Thursday line up of TV shows.  Wilfred, Louis, and Anger Management.  Its gonna be a good Friday, at least till I have to go to work.

          I can't believe that I am divorced, and celebrating a new anniversary with someone new, its so surreal sometimes, especially since I haven't dated since high school.  Not surreal in a bad way its just what a year its been.  I have a lot to thank my boy friend for, before we dated he was one of the only friends I had in this town.  Noticed me falling off the deep end and gave me his hand.  Hes not the most romantic guy in the world, but hes a good man, a good friend, and he always has my back.  Exactly what I need.

and sometimes you get both and they tittle them boy friend.  I could never of gotten here if I just rolled over and let my divorce consume me.  I mean I guess in a way it did consume me.  I'm not who I was back then, well I guess that was another reason the divorce happened to begin with.  But I didn't just become some little ball of grief and stop living my life.  If you want something in life you have to make it happen.  Or else this divorce this big change it was all for nothing.  You have to move on because your worth it.  A lifetime of happiness is worth a little grief.

Update

          When I was cleaning today I found my money that I had lost woo hoo!  That a long with the last little bit of money I am getting for selling my car will be enough to start school.  Also I lost another two lbs this week is already substantially better then last week.  Going to pay bills and relax hopefully go somewhere nice on Friday to celebrate late my anniversary.

   

Love yourself

              One of the major reasons I left my husband was because I didn't like who I had become when I was with him.  I was bitter, angry, and mean all the time and I couldn't avoid it.  Since I can't start school at the moment since I lost my money and my boyfriend has started a new job money is really tight right now I wanted to focus on other aspects of my life I wanted to improve.  I figure if you don't like yourself very much how can you expect others to.


               Since the divorce I quite smoking, pre divorce with all the stress I was in the best shape of my life I had lost a total of 70 lbs.  Since I quit smoking I gained it all back in a years time :(.  I have decided to get back in shape.  I have been working out for at least an hour a day and so far I have lost four lbs this week woo hoo!  I don't want to look like this anymore.



                   Also on a side note my very patient boyfriend and I will be celebrating our one year anniversary tomorrow.  Hopefully our relationship will evolve like I intend to into something strong and beautiful.