Thursday, September 27, 2012

The Bitter Sweet Life


I have been taking a blogging vacation as of late.  The stress from work has been making me crazy.  My manager has a tendency to hire some real losers.  The type of people who have no ambition, do crazy drugs, get their children taken away, and live with their parents till their in their late 30's, and they just keep having children, they don't care about bettering themselves, or taking care of their kids, they get all the free stuff they can from the government, call into work every week, are super lazy and complain and leave early on a daily bases.

I work really hard, I do the work of six people on my shift because there is only ever two of us.  Then they hire these people, these horrible people that my town seems to be full of probably from all the meth that is floating around this town and they just make my job harder because I have to clean up after them and do their job while they complain.

This past month I have been on a roller coaster of emotion I have been struggling with my weight I can't seem to find a good medium between not eating at all or just non stop shoveling of food.  I started smoking again, though my boyfriend confiscated my smokes and only lets me have one a day.  I have just been feeling so bitter when I think about my life, my divorce, I feel like I did everything I was suppose to.  I got married and I didn't just have kids right away I waited because I knew we weren't financially or emotionally ready.  I got a job and worked hard, I am trying to climb the latter you know.  My job though, I am surrounded by these people who have everything handed to them, they have the greatest gift in the world and they don't even care enough to appreciate it.

My town is full of the dregs of society, narcissists that care about nothing but being lazy.  These people aren't my peers though I am surrounded by them on a daily bases I was even married to one.  I have to get out of this town and this career and into something more real.  My money, damn you money, I feel like I am always waiting always saving taking the slow path in everything because I had to learn the hard way.  God I am so hard on myself.

Maybe, maybe its like the turtle and the hair.  I'm surrounded by bunnies and I think that is where I want to be.  When I finally cross that line though, when I finally win one on my road less traveled none of it will matter.  Until that day comes I have my best friend who ugly cries when I feel sad to cheer me up I love that lady.
and when that doesn't work I have my beer and my cigarettes and my sweet guy.  Yeah I suppose I got it pretty good.  What's my hurry.
Also I just got a raise and those two losers got fired,... out of a cannon into the sun.
No not really but they did get fired.  One of them was arrested and stopped showing up, he did this last time he worked with us and we have no idea how he keeps getting rehired, and the other one started a bar fight and her married boy friend with two pregnant girlfriends on the side that takes all her money and hits her kept showing up to work and threatening her all the time.  I wish I could feel sorry for her but lots of other people,  her family members, and I have tried to give her a way out and she doesn't want it.  She brags about her life.  Maybe work will get better now.

"I Don't Know Where I am, I Don't Know Where I've Been, But I Know Where I Want To GO,
This is the First Day of My Life"


  1. I'm sorry you are in a tough spot. Life in general has its ups and downs, but I know the feeling of "I did everything right, why is it still so hard?" Just keep moving forward. It will get better.

    1. Thank you, I think I mostly get that, but sometimes its so easy to get lost and feel so defeated but I know I am doing what I need to do so at least I have that.

  2. I'm guessing that your boss hires those retreads because he/she probably feels sorry for them...that's how it goes with repeat offenders.

    We all gotta play the hand that we're dealt, but you could have the same problems and be 40. My corny advice is to think about what makes you happy, and incorporate those thoughts with the struggles at work and your previous marriage.

    1. I was just briefly discouraged because of these people and it made me upset with myself that I let it all get to me and I was falling into the same apathetic life style and that is not who I aspire to be. I am feeling better though, work is going better, weening myself off the nicotine again. I just wish these people would try harder in life if not for themselves for their children.