The Bitter Sweet Life

I have been taking a blogging vacation as of late.  The stress from work has been making me crazy.  My manager has a tendency to hire some real losers.  The type of people who have no ambition, do crazy drugs, get their children taken away, and live with their parents till their in their late 30's, and they just keep having children, they don't care about bettering themselves, or taking care of their kids, they get all the free stuff they can from the government, call into work every week, are super lazy and complain and leave early on a daily bases.

I work really hard, I do the work of six people on my shift because there is only ever two of us.  Then they hire these people, these horrible people that my town seems to be full of probably from all the meth that is floating around this town and they just make my job harder because I have to clean up after them and do their job while they complain.

This past month I have been on a roller coaster of emotion I have been struggling with my weight I can't seem to find a good medium between not eating at all or just non stop shoveling of food.  I started smoking again, though my boyfriend confiscated my smokes and only lets me have one a day.  I have just been feeling so bitter when I think about my life, my divorce, I feel like I did everything I was suppose to.  I got married and I didn't just have kids right away I waited because I knew we weren't financially or emotionally ready.  I got a job and worked hard, I am trying to climb the latter you know.  My job though, I am surrounded by these people who have everything handed to them, they have the greatest gift in the world and they don't even care enough to appreciate it.

My town is full of the dregs of society, narcissists that care about nothing but being lazy.  These people aren't my peers though I am surrounded by them on a daily bases I was even married to one.  I have to get out of this town and this career and into something more real.  My money, damn you money, I feel like I am always waiting always saving taking the slow path in everything because I had to learn the hard way.  God I am so hard on myself.

Maybe, maybe its like the turtle and the hair.  I'm surrounded by bunnies and I think that is where I want to be.  When I finally cross that line though, when I finally win one on my road less traveled none of it will matter.  Until that day comes I have my best friend who ugly cries when I feel sad to cheer me up I love that lady.

and when that doesn't work I have my beer and my cigarettes and my sweet guy.  Yeah I suppose I got it pretty good.  What's my hurry.

Also I just got a raise and those two losers got fired,... out of a cannon into the sun.

No not really but they did get fired.  One of them was arrested and stopped showing up, he did this last time he worked with us and we have no idea how he keeps getting rehired, and the other one started a bar fight and her married boy friend with two pregnant girlfriends on the side that takes all her money and hits her kept showing up to work and threatening her all the time.  I wish I could feel sorry for her but lots of other people,  her family members, and I have tried to give her a way out and she doesn't want it.  She brags about her life.  Maybe work will get better now.

"I Don't Know Where I am, I Don't Know Where I've Been, But I Know Where I Want To GO,
This is the First Day of My Life"

I Don't Care

Donuts!



As I sit here contemplating what to post I realize how little I really think about my ex these days and it makes me happy.  When it comes to him




speaking of donuts I have been doing really well on my dieting.  I am down 11 lbs so far yay!

I finally got my rock n roll side stepper and I have been using it quite a bit, seems too easy but it really works your leg muscles.  I also went on a six mile walk yesterday which was fun.



Now I leave you with my favorite song I worked out to this week.

For You I'd Bleed Myself Dry.

 Dear Self,
You are strong, and you are beautiful, no matter what anyone else has made you think or what anyone else has said to you.

I am starting to see results in all my hard work.  My dieting and working out is starting to show and I feel strong.  I have lost five lbs. not a lot but I can see a change.



In my last post my advice was to not be blue, to be yellow.  Continuing in that theme I have been listening to cold play in motivation to keep going. " For you I'd bleed myself dry" I just want to be happy.  I would do anything to see that I reach my dreams.  I can do this.

Groovy I Am.

That is one angry Bird,..



                 Work has been driving me crazy lately but tonight wasn't so bad.  We where really slow like no customers all night.  I even got off an hour early so I get to take a nap before I run my million errands.  The urge to buy a pack of cigarettes was substantially less today which is good since I quit smoking over a year ago.  T.G.I. the end of labor day and the start of school.  People come on, go home after 2 a.m. and take a sleepy, and don't come back to eat till seven in the morning so I can get my work done :p..

                  Any who, I have found that its almost impossible to be sad while listening to this song and watching the music video posted below.  Everyone in the entire world should most definitely check it out.  If that song doesn't make your blue turn yellow you could always do like Sarah Dessen does and pin pics of puppies.  If your job sucks as bad as mine, you'll probably need the puppies too.......



                 I don't really have much else to say as I just posted fairly recent, I just really wanted to post this song.

                Be Groovy, not Blue



                 On another note I have been sucking pretty bad at my diet.  my journey to this

is going more like this
.
I did manage to work out twice this week so far yay! If any one out there has any tips for curbing hunger I'd appreciate it.  Being around food all night at work is just torture.
Foods!!! 



p.s. Please tell me I am not the only one who grooves out like this when alone in a car.

Take this job and shove it!

             Man, I really want to quit.  I have been sort of stressed out at work lately, a job that should be so simple but they put so much pressure on you.  Ahh, just not sure how to deal with all the stress since I quit smoking.  Feel like pulling my hair out sometimes, I just got to hang in there till I can get a better job that can pay me an equivalent amount.  Or until I can find an entry level secretary job.  Hopefully I will have a better job sometime next year.

            But I'm mostly happy today.  It is my day off, and I have been writing off and on all week and I finally did it.  I finally finished writing the first chapter of my book.  I'm so proud I don't normally make it that far.  My brains a little exhausted and so are my hands.

 

           
                Chapter two is coming around a little slower but I'm sure it will start coming a long once I recharge my batteries.



             I really needed these days off, and I am looking forward to recharging my batteries, I got me some burger king coupons in the mail, tomorrow I'm expecting my new shirt to come in the mail and I got invited to go to the mall woo hoo!  After paying bills and running errands I will get to have some fun.  Its gonna be fun on a bun!



              I'm pretty excited about it, think I'm gonna go all risky business and do my happy dance. S O is asleep so Its time to get silly.



               Some day I will do my happy dance to this song.  I love Biz!